Don’t Let Your Stuff Own You
One of my favorite quotes from The Fight Club is one of many gems that came out of Tyler Durden’s mouth: “It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.”
I can’t say that my husband and I ever really “lost everything” but after falling into the trap of materialism we soon discovered that we were tied down by the things we owned and felt…well, trapped. We bought ourselves a house bigger than we needed but then ended up spending money furnishing it and maintaining it. Then we bought ourselves 2 luxury cars and since then we have learned our lesson after seeing that my husband’s hard earned money was going to all this material and in the end we had nothing left for the family we want to start one day. We slowly turned our lives around and are doing much better today although we are still paying through the nose for our earlier mistakes. The best thing that came out of our lifestyle change was the sense of freedom – the fact that we could live without the constant need for something flashy and big and that we were no longer tied down by our desire for stuff.
We recently learned that one of our dearest friends bought himself a very nice car. It is a car that is worth the salary of say…an engineer. I almost feel like a hypocrite using his story as an example since this is something similar to what my husband and I used to do but it’s amazing how clear the picture is to you once you have stepped away from the lure of nice things. Within 2 weeks of buying this car, he was so unhappy and fed up at work that he strongly considered quitting. But then he realized he couldn’t because he had just bought that car. When we asked him if he regretted his decision because he wasn’t able to quit, he responded with “No. Do you know how many people comment on my car and take pictures of it?”
We were in no place to judge so we left it at “oh that sucks”. But I couldn’t help but think about whether any of this stuff is so important it means being stuck at a job you’re unhappy with or not being able to save for the future. There are a few things that became very clear to me as I thought about this story.
- Understanding your self worth is not related to materialism. I think this is a misconception among many people. What does it really mean when people are complimenting you on your car and taking photos of it? Does that mean you’re a better person? It might mean you’re lucky enough to be able to buy the car but it really just ends there.
- The more stuff you have the more worries you got. After we got our 2 cars, we have had the added stress of not just paying for them, but having to worry about maintenance costs (very very high), using premium gas, parking them in public places and getting them scratched up. I was much less stressed when I had my old Honda Civic and was able to park it on the street in downtown.
- It’s the memories, not the stuff that brings happiness. When I look back on my life, some of the best and happiest memories I’ve had are those with friends back in college when we stayed up late chowing down pizza. It’s not that handbag I bought that puts the smile on my face. Think about when you’re old one day and reflecting back on your life. Are you going to smile and remember the time you went into debt and bought that shiny new car as the happiest times? Probably not. It’s most likely going to be the birth of your child or grandchildren, or the day you graduated from college or the day you met your future spouse. The big expenses I don’t ever regret are those spent on traveling because those are some of the best memories I have.
What kind of things do you own right now that actually own you?
November 9th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
It is sad that you had to learn through experience but, at least you learned. There are many people that will never get the opportunity to see clearly that they are being controlled by their desire for material things and that is sad. But at least you are able to distinguish that and learn from your mistakes.